I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
