Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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