ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
