Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
