Do you still have your period?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
