just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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