erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
