the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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