I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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