also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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