She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
