Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He passed out mid-signature
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
