Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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