there's paper in my vomit.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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