she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
