a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
