dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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