You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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