cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
