My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
