I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
