I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
