I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And my parents said I crawled through the house
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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