everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
