You're so nebulous sometimes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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