all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
