I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I supernannyed him into submission
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
