She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
