If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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