No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
