Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
