dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
