New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
