are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
