fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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