Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
