youre lurking in front of me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
