just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
