"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
