when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
