i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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