I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
