Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
