Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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