Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
