the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
