Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
