All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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