you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
