I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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