I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
