Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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