the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
